FUCK YOU PAUL: the tail of how a student with 2 degrees can NOT get a cleaning job

fuck you middle finger go to hell

Hey guys. This post is not going to be abut sustainability, or fashion, but another very important topic: values. I had a shocking experience today. I’m going to start from the beginning.

I’m an international student for more than a year now. Which means I don’t have any money. Literally. And at the moment my situation is especially tricky, because I’m on Erasmus in Amsterdam, there are some controversial information if I can work as a student without registered, language barriers, and of course the limited time. I hear it every time: you don’t need to speak Dutch to have a job in Amsterdam. Tell all those who rejected me because I only speak English and Italian. It’s hard. But I’m not the „giving up” type, I know it hurts now, but I learn a lot from these experiences. Especially from today’s.

I applied to a store, student job, refill the shelves. Basically everyone can do it. EXCEPT INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS. I don’t speak Dutch, so I can’t be in the shop. Because if an 80 year old lady comes (I believe everyone younger than that speaks fluent English. Seriously. Everybody speaks very good English here.) and starts to complain about my language, the store is in trouble. Okay. If I really want, I can accept this, but I really don’t believe, I wouldn’t be able to ask another shop assistant for help. But anyways. This is life. No shop, but I was offered a cleaning job in the canteen. Okay, that is not fancy at all, but I can do it. I cleaned in Denmark to be able to pay my rent, so I can do it now. And then Paul (the store manager) asks me if I like cleaning. If you know me, you know I’m an honest person. So I told him the truth: I LOVE cleaning at home, my room is always tidy, but actually cleaning the canteen is not my dream job. But of course I will do it, because I need the money, so no problem. I never thought that this would be a problem. There is a job, do I have to love it to be able to do it? No. I have 2 hands, I can hold a broom, what else does he need? I was so naïve. Because according to Paul, I have to LOVE cleaning if I want to clean the canteen. Mmm..wait, what?

Paul said he was very sorry, but if I don’t LOVE cleaning, then this job is not for me. So many thoughts come into my mind:

Paul! Do you really expect someone to come in and say: I LOVE cleaning canteens, and I WANT to do it? -Yes there are some people who loves cleaning.

Paul, should I have lied to you, and then I could get a fucking cleaning job?

Paul, do you think that the students here LOVE refilling the shelves? Or cashier LOVE sitting at a place all day, and bip endless products? Because if you believe it, you are very stupid.

I love cleaning. At home. But not as my job. I would do it, because I need the money, but definitely not love it. I would do it well, because it is in my personality: if I do a job, even if I don’t like it, I do it well. This is what I learned and inherited form my Mom. I was so upset, I told him it was a mistake not giving me a chance. Because there is going to be someone, who lies that he loves cleaning and he is going to do half as good job as I would have done. And Paul very kindly tried to reason that I shouldn’t do something that I don’t like. Paul you are so smart. And right. I shouldn’t. But this fuckin world is not about what I like or what I don’t like doing. It is about having enough money to pay my rent. And if I have to clean to get that money, I’m going to clean. Not because I LOVE it, but because I NEED it.

It sounds very desperate that I „beg” for Paul for a cleaning job. And I’m desperate. I wanted to work in an eco-concept store. I visited all of them, handed in my CV, and wrote e-mails. I got an interview with the JUX STUDIO (I was the happiest chick on the Earth), but they gave the job to a more „sustainable” prospect, who stays here for more than half a year. (I was the saddest chick on the Earth. That was my dream job.) So I’m not in this position because I haven’t tried to find a more „intellectual” job, but because nobody needs me. Don’t pity me. I’m a fighter. A survivor. I’m learning. I’m getting stronger.

But all I want to say is:

paul You all right though. I shouldn’t clean your fucking canteen. I’m better than that.  I should do something I love, I’m working on it, but at the moment I’m in survival mode.

But this whole experience got me thinking. I’m honest and straightforward. I do not lie, because other’s want to hear something else. I have principals, and I live up to them. I want to be someone, who I’m proud of. I don’t want to be a girl who lies to get a fucking cleaning job. I do not want to be the girl, who removes her piercings just to appeal to an employer. I want to be me. Is that too much? Should I lie about what I like and don’t like to get a job? Should I give up myself to stand in the line? I hope not. My Mom always says, that my road is harder than other is because I do not want to be like them. And that is true. I’m a loner, I’m a weirdo, and sometimes it’s hard. For example when you have 2 degrees, working on the 3rd one, speak 3 languages and don’t get a cleaning job, because you don’t like it. Life is hard, but that is the beauty of it. If there are no downs, there can’t be ups either.

I hope my future holds some unexpected ups for me, and there will be someone who wants to employ me because of ME and not because of FAKING.

So guys, I learned today as well, this small bump is not going to break me down. I’m going to be positive, and open, because I believe what we send out, we get back.

Have you ever been to a stupid situation like this?



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