To understand my current emotional situation you should know that I have quite difficult few days behind me. Two weeks ago got dumped and then, 3 boxes of ice cream and endless amount of kleenex later, undumped. Since this tiny incident, I’m trying to process all the emotional baggage that my boyfriend’s momentary confusion left me with.
And as with all the emotional crisis, comes the unconscious need for gratification. I find myself scrolling through webshops looking at trendy clothes and expensive electronic gadgets. Luckily I don’t have the patience to spend more than five minutes with this mindless activity, yet there is something stuck in my mind. I found this camera on sale that I think I should buy.
I’ve been thinking about buying a camera for a few months and now the price is 40% off. Rationally it would be a smart decision to buy, but am I acting rational here? If I hadn’t been upset, I wouldn’t have looked at the webshop. I was perfectly happy before I knew about the camera, and I’m sure I could live a full life without it in the future. But I still feel this urge, almost physically pressing me from inside.
For a short period I actually thought I want that camera. Then I realized what I really want is to make my pain go away. For some reason one part of my brain believes spending money on unnecessary stuff will solve my problem. Fortunately the other part knows, that distracting my thoughts and compensating my emotional damage with material stuff is not the solution.
So here I am, cought up in the middle of a consumerist dilemma instead of focusing on fixing my broken heart. I feel lucky that I understand the situation and the true meaning of my actions. It is not about the camera, it is about me. The sooner I get better emotionally the sooner the desire for a new thing goes away.